Tuesday, 24 May 2011

The Rage

I'm in a bad mood. Not just a little sort of rubbish day meh sort of mood but a big fuck off humdinger of a bad mood and I don't even really know why, well that's a bit of a lie I do know why but when I think about the reasons most of them are so petty and whiny that I want rip off my own head and play football with it. But then again this is my blog so I can be petty and whiny if I want to  and if I want to moan I will. *Stamps Foot*.

After the perfect day yesterday Lucy woke up in a vile mood and came down screamed at a few of us and told her sister that she would prefer her to be under a bus. This resulted in a trip back upstairs for Lucy and there she stayed for three hours sulking and refusing to apologise.

Lola was up in the night which was impacted by the fact that I didn't fall asleep until 2am which is because MRB has got new shitty hours which means he doesn't get in until 10.30 every night so to get any wind down time together (read time without the kids) we have got into this odd routine of staying awake until the early hours usually doing a lot of overtired hysterical giggling. I am not good without sleep, who is? But today my body has protested and slumped.

Surprise surprise we overlaid this morning and then Poppy decided her ear hurt so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her stay home. Big mistake my lovely never naughty 5 year old had pulled the wool over my eyes and lied. She has had the most boring day ever at home but has given me a monster headache because of her low level whinging about how bored she is.

The washing, the housework and the cooking.

The Son, I want my little adorable son back not this rage filled imposter who has come to live with us, he  confuses me one minute he is cuddling me and the next he is raging at me. Everything I do is wrong, everything his dad does is wrong.

Lola, I love her to bits of course I do but if she had been my first I don't think I would have such a large family she is a whirlwind and now I don't know if I just had abnormally well behaved babies and toddlers before and she is normal or if she has actually been sent here to destroy me.
She will not stop breastfeeding I know it's lovely that I've managed to do it for so long and all the rest but am I allowed to say it is really really annoying me now? I wouldn't mind if she just wanted a quick feed in a morning or at bedtime but she looks at me like I am a walking talking milkbar if I sit down she will crawl onto me and yank my top down, hence why I always look like a badly dressed scarecrow because she has wrecked all of my tops. 

My kindle, my replacement arrived this morning my second replacement and it's all well and good that Amazon are so good at sending new ones out but now I have lost all my samples and I am now terrified to use it in case it bloody breaks again.

My family, arghhh so since the row about two months ago I have not spoken to my sister at all and don't really want to if I'm perfectly honest. I have seen my mum once she came up and it was all very awkward I think my dad made her come although I can't be sure she doesn't ring anymore and we used to speak most days I miss my mum, I also miss my other youngest sister, this month made it  a year since we spoke. We used to be best friends and her son is my Godson I haven't seen him since Christmas although I did see her younger son a couple of weeks ago which was lovely. But I miss my youngest sister so much and she hates me she really really does. I saw a photo the other day of my mum and both sisters they had been out over the weekend and my mum looked so proud to be stood in the middle of these two beautiful girls that it made me wonder if I she has given up on me, they do the right things in her eyes and  I think to her I might be one big embarrassment.

And that is why I am feeling so ragey today so apologies for the mammoth ranty post but some things are better out than in.

1 comment:

  1. Sending you a hug, it sounds as though you're as sad and upset as you are angry and i don't blame you reading that, especially the bit about your family.
    Someone on my husbands side decided a while ago that she hates me and that i'm not worthy of being spoken too and thats' bad enough, she's not even my actually family though so can't imagine how it must make you feel when it's your own treating you like that.

    I write/type my rants down when i feel things have all gone tits up pardon the expression, bit of cathartic writting always makes me feel a bit better :-)

    Take care, Jo xxx